106: Popular Joke Formats For Microblogs
Updated: Oct 24
Howdy! I've been on Twitter for a couple of years now. In that time, I've compiled a list of popular joke formats. I treat them like ad-libs, generally posting one a day when I don't have a story or anecdote to share. Marketing myself as a writer, I cater them to an audience of readers, referencing famous books when possible. If I can't figure out ties to a novel, then any popular media will do. These jokes have come from all over, have been used in many ways, and I do not claim ownership of them. Nearly all link back to some popular media or other, before the internet reworked them.
Hi! My name is what?! My name is who?! My name is shick-a shick-a [long elaborate title of warrior or leader in history or popular fiction] (Slim Shady by Eminem reference)
Physically, I'm here but mentally I'm (in an ultra -specific, unrealistic setting & scenario)
Best start believing in [negative experience/place]! Yer in one. (Pirates of the Caribbean reference)
[Popular thing] makes people happy. And happy people don't kill their (title indicating relationship to wronged innocent person]. They just don't. (Legally Blonde reference)
Money can't buy happiness but it can buy [a location or object desired in a well known story]
This is how your email finds me: [image/gif of character either visible unwell or manic]
[Renowned author/director] will be like, "I know a spot," and it's [place their content regularly features that would be absolutely inappropriate for a date]
Entering my [famous film/book scene indicating a set behavior] era
You should only write [popular slang phrase or song lyrics] to further the plot
Let them eat [thing they cannot afford/receive due to poor leadership & corruption] (Marie Antoinette reference)
[unhealthy food/habit]. Because you're worth it (L'Oréal brand reference)
[Food]: The Snack that [verbs] back (Goldfish snack reference)
Like a/n [adjective] [title], [brand/politician/character] is there (State Farm Insurance reference)
[description of character] but can he see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch (Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal reference)
Always the bridesmaid, never the [character title]
Have we tried putting [troubled place or person] in rice?
Your honor, my client [insert ridiculous excuse here. Bonus points if it's a quote.]
Sorry, the password must include [popular quote that doubles as a list]
I am become [noun or title], the [action]er of [nouns] (Oppenheimer reference)
Ask your doctor if [action/noun] is right for you
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she's [character title] (Maybelline reference)
[Potential Action]! In this economy?! (Gary Gulman reference)
Don't forget to drink water, unclench your jaw, & [absurd action]
Therapy isn't enough. I need [unnecessary noun/action]
She's a 10 but she [engages in a ridiculous behavior]
Be the change you wanna see. [Engage in an absurd action] today!
I've got 99 problems and getting rid of the [source of annoyance] would solve the majority (references Jay-Z lyrics from song 99 Problems)
Attention Shoppers: [Absurd announcement]
If you suffered from [ailment] due to the [bad behavior] by [character or company] you may be entitled to financial compensation
You're laughing. The [absurd or incredibly mundane scenario] and you're laughing.
Sometimes when two adults love each other very much they [engage in a mundane or absurd nonsexual activity]
Maybe [unhealthy activity] is self care
I hope this email never find you, that you've [insert absurd scenario resulting in the subject's freedom]
Gotta stand up before belting out along with [insert musician's name, band name, or song title]...Like the pledge of allegiance.
To be fair, a talking [non-human character species] could sell me anything
I'll have what [character behaving erratically] is having (When Harry Met Sally film reference)
with great power comes great responsibility so I gave our [ordinary or absurd object] away (Spiderman reference)
[absurd statement]. There, I said it.
Dress for the job I want? So [describe the outfit of an outlandish career type]? Okay.
What's wrong [character]? You haven't [engaged in mundane or absurd activity]
"Explain this gap on your resume." "Okay! [Well known plot revolving around a long journey]."
My retirement plan is [absurd scenario resulting in an escape from society]
Be the reason your HOA forbade [absurd object or critters.]
My toxic trait is [a mundane or absurd behavior that can be inconvenient].
Gonna leave this world better than I found it by [engaging in mildly absurd behavior that results in someone being happier].
Can't stop, won't stop [engaging in mundane or absurd behavior] (references Young Gunz lyrics to the song Can't Stop, Won't Stop)
[Absurd scenario concluding with an arrival of nonhumans or super humans]. "We have been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty"
It's only [brand name] if it [has these faults or features], otherwise it's sparking [off-brand name]
When I was a young [title], my [authoritative title] took me into the [place], to see a [group of professionals]. He said, "[title], when you grow up, would you be the [title] of the [adjective], the [adjective] and the [adjective]?" (references My Chemical Romance's song Welcome to the Black Parade)
Some of you didn't [engage in mundane or absurd behavior during your youth] and it shows
Okay, wow. Unfollowing now. Was unaware [character with a negative impression] were [engaging in negative behavior].
[P-word]! At the [d-word] (references Panic At The Disco!)
"How tough are you?!" "How tough am I?! I once [engaged in absurd behavior that shows you to be sensitive] (SpongeBob reference)
[State a theory about popular culture based off little evidence] and in this essay I will…
It's [time]. Do you know where your children are?
What doesn't kill me [should feel threatened by a stereotypical tough-guy statement] (Friedrich Nietzsche reference)
I saw the best minds of my generation ruined by [pop culture moment everyone remembers. Especially if it was disappointing.]
Instead of a [Impressive Scary Title], you would have a [Different Impressive Title], not [adjective] but [adjective] and [adjective] as the [noun]! [Fancy adjective] as the [noun], and [adjective]er than the [place or part] of the [important noun/place]! All shall love me and despair! (references Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein)
Hello. My name is [name]. You [engaged in a negative action]. Prepare to [single syllable word implying they will suffer] (The Princess Bride film reference)
Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by [unethical much-hated entity] (Mean Girls film reference)
Long ago, [group] lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when [opposing group] attacked. (Avatar the Last Airbender tv show reference)
shark tank idea: [common object rebuilt in such a way that the most common customer complaint in negated] (Shark Tank tv show reference)
back on my bullshit: [engaging in absurd behavior]
Thus concludes your free trial of [Corporate Brand]. Let the tribulations begin.
Everyday We Stray Further From [Deity's] light. (works as a Quote ReTweet to Tweets sharing awful news where a powerful entity has behaved unethically)
unbothered. happy. in my lane. focused. flourishing. (works as a Quote ReTweet to an image of anybody who appears to be relaxing or dead)
[City], we have a problem (works as a Quote ReTweet for any major issues happening in [city]) (references the NASA quote, "Houston! We have a problem.")
It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em! (works as a Quote ReTweet when a powerful person or company does something blatantly unethical.) (Dodgeball film reference)
Capitalism breeds innovation! (works as a Quote ReTweet to news stories of new technology causes hardship)
"Do not cite the old magic to me, witch. I was there when it was written." (works as a Quote ReTweet to younger folks sharing their discovery of things that were popular when you were young) (references Narnia by C.S. Lewis)
"A long, long time ago / I can still remember how / that music used to make me smile" (works as a Quote Retweet to lyrics or an album cover featuring explicit content) (references Don McLeon's song American Pie)
"Now this is a story all about how / their life got flipped, turned upside down" (works as a Quote Retweet when a celebrity/politician makes an excuse for bad behavior) (references DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's song Yo Home to Bel-Air)
"Look / If you had / one shot / one opportunity / to seize everything you ever wanted / in one moment, / would you capture it / or just let it slip?" (works as a Quote Retweet to thirst traps where influencers ask if followers would engage in adult behavior with them, OR when brands have contests asking for like/retweets as a means on entering) (references Eminem's song Lose Yourself)
"I want to be the very best / like no one ever was / to catch them is my real test / to train them is my cause (works as a Quote ReTweet when bounty hunters post a wanted poster for a criminal, especially who wouldn't be found guilty of a crime if tried by a jury of their peers, Or when the criminal oddly looks like a Pokemon. Or for pictures of cool bugs/weird animals. Especially when there are many.) (Pokemon reference)
"We come from the land of the ice and snow / From the midnight sun, where the hot spring flow" (works as a Quote Retweet when an unpopular politician / shamed celebrity shares their background to gain sympathy/support) (references Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song)
"I hurt myself today / to see if I still feel / I focus on the pain / the only thing that's real (works as a Quote Retweet when a popular brand announces the conclusion of a beloved product OR when a musician/actor announces their retirement) (references Nine Inch Nail's song Hurt, which was popularly covered by Johnny Cash)
(Quote ReTweet useless or bad politicians)
(Quote ReTweet when politician aims attacks at the poor. Can also edit photo to swap out poor with any other term that implies a large group of people with a shared hardship who are being victimized.)
I plan to keep adding to these. I like to have a bunch of jokes lined up in advance, so I can just refer to my list before tweeting. Right now, my Joke-To-Go file is 40 pages long and my Used-Jokes file is at 45 pages. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with recycling old jokes a year later. Followers are always in flux so somebody hasn't seen it. You can also schedule tweets in advance, which is especially useful now that accounts that've been inactive for 30+ days are being removed. Also, these can work for other social media apps. I just joined Spoutible so I'm sharing them there, too.
I hope you found any of this useful! I drop a new blog post every Monday. Toodles!